Artist Statement
At first I was angry. At least, that was one of the “first’s” I felt. From the very beginning I felt sad. Alone. Abandoned. Exposed. I was confused by the fact that one minute I wanted to swath myself in anything I could find: hide and retreat, yet the next minute I felt that it didn’t matter anymore, they had already taken from me what was sacred. Why not just give everyone a piece of the goods – they no longer matter… The anger set in when the comfort of denial abandoned and failed me. I now had to start dealing with the situation all over again – but this time I couldn’t pretend it was a bad dream. At first, I was angry…
The With Liberty and Justice, For All? series chronicles one course – my course – of trauma and ultimately the healing that will eventually follow. When I set out to create a set of photographs, I always begin with research. Often times I consult scholarly articles and publications, I take notes, I keep my own journals. Before I ever go to a site and load film the image I want is mapped out in my head. I spend the bulk of my time thinking about and analyzing the mood I am trying to create – the issue I aim to confront, the “character” I am trying to become or, for this set, how the different effects of trauma affected me. While these particular photographs explore the healing process, the work is not simply a therapeutic endeavor. I am using my experience and knowledge to illuminate an issue and allow the viewer to see a personal example of the affects of trauma.
I have chosen to photograph myself with a model of the Nashville courthouse, which became the object of my obsession after my expectations that the court system would bring me justice, protection and actually heal me, were shattered. The courthouse goes with me as I lose my faith in the system and go through various stages, from grief to rage to resolution of healing. Photography was the obvious medium for this set because I needed to capture a fleeting moment with complete honesty. Trauma and its resulting emotions are elusive and hard to understand. They come and go as they please with no forewarning and there is no linear trajectory as to how trauma will resolve itself. My photographs capture these intimate pieces of time and present them exactly as they are, without any excuse or attempt to explain away the behavior.
